


Spoofic

by Lolsthecat



Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Anal, F/M, I don't know, If you are having a bad day read it, Nonesense, Smut, penis - Freeform, vagina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-09-28 01:34:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 2,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10061930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lolsthecat/pseuds/Lolsthecat
Summary: This is a spoof fanfiction. It is meant to be funny and light-hearted. The purpose of the story is to bring a smile to the reader's face. There are many words that are not considered 'sexy' or 'correct' when writing a smutty fanfiction, however, this fiction uses them all.





	1. Chibs Telford

It was a warm sunny morning over Charming. Chibs sat up and slowly stretched, allowing his body to come to life. “Today is going to be a great day!” Chibs sang to himself as he jumped out of bed. “Today I will dress real nice.” Chibs put on his best shirt and jeans. He admired his reflection in the mirror. Suddenly, his pants grew tight at the sight of himself. _Hmmmmm._ Chibs rubbed his chin wondering what to do next. Should he pleasure himself or…. “I know.” He clicked his fingers. Unzipping his jeans, he flopped his willy into his hand. He was feeling adventurous and giddy with joy.  Chibs pulled open his dorm door and skipped to the local park. Today Chibs would find himself a girlfriend.

Chibs, scanning his prey in front of him and pumping his love rod slowly,  looked for a girlfriend. “Who should we choose?” he whispered to it. He waited for his wiener to give him an answer. Then he saw her, the most beautiful lady in the park. His dong leaked a little love goo. “Hmm, I like her too.” He skipped over to the young lady sitting quietly on the bench. “Hello,” He said standing in front of her with his peepee still in his hand. “Will you be my girlfriend? My lovestick likes you.”The girl suppressed a child-like giggle as she looked down at his thick schlong. “I like him too.” She reached her hand up; slowly she rubbed her thumb over his snake eye. “I would love to be your girlfriend!” Chibs smiled brightly, showing all his teeth.  
“Let’s go fuck!” He screamed happily, taking a hold of her hand. They skipped together back to the clubhouse.

Chibs peck like a chicken at her lips. “Let’s get naked.” He looked at the young lady. She liked Chibs, he had the best ideas. “Okay!” she said excitedly. Quickly they threw their clothes to the floor. Chibs pushed her down onto his bed. “I want to see it.” Chibs greedily opened her legs to reveal her spasm chasm to him. Chibs licked his lips. He wanted to taste her coin purse, to drink her honey. His mouth attacked her moist slit, making her moan. She went to moan his name but abruptly remembered she didn’t ask. _Well, when in doubt bring the daddy out._ She thought to herself. He sucked on her rose bud making her quiver underneath him. “Daddy, I need your man meat in my ham hole. NOW!” she screamed.

Chibs lined his winkie up with her moist pocket. A high pitch squeal came from his lips as he entered into her. She felt divine. Her saturate mine engulfed him, squeezing his rod ever so tightly. Chibs let a rugged breath out into her neck. They moaned like animals, pushing and pulling at one another. Chibs Jr. Worked quickly bring them both closer to the edge. “Miss, I’m going to-“ He spilled his baby porridge inside her. The lady let out a little squeak as she felt his baby hammer twitch inside her. “Thank you.” She whispered in his ear.   
“I’m the best boyfriend.” He smiled.


	2. Tig Trager

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have decided to do all the sons.. so enjoy.

I want to tell you a story. It’s an amazing one, about the time I got my winkie stinky. I was with my brothers, drinking in the clubhouse. We were relaxing after a long day of hard work.  “Hey sugar.” I looked to my left, there she stood, my girl. She was real pretty. She had curves in all right places. The junk she had in her trunk, made me drool. “I want to take care of you, Daddy.” She whispered nibbling on her lip. She didn’t need to tell me twice. I had plans tonight for her chocolate button. It was time for me to do some hobo humping. I grabbed her wrist and pulled her outside.

I’m not a shy man. I have nothing to hide, nothing to be embarrassed about. I love planting my parsnip outside, the coldness in the air always changed the temperature of her skin. My wanton lips crashed into hers. My saliva coated her face and mine. She was an amazing kisser, so still, she never moved. Her lips were always cold, my favourite. My tongue rampaged around her mouth; I licked at her teeth and tongue. I was on a mission. My hands wandered over her majestic body, coming to rest at her milk guns. The night air made her nipples so hard. I gave her boobies a quick squeeze before slamming her ass against the picnic bench. “What will it be tonight Daddy?” She whimpered as I fiddled with her jeans, trying to get my hands on her tuna taco. Success! My hand snaked inside her. “I’m going in through the back door to make a delivery.” She squawked as my fingers played her banjo.  

I needed her moist. I continued to bath her kitty gently. In and out, over and over. She purred against my neck. It was time to drain her tuna, she was close. Her knuckles turned white as she gripped the bench. “Cum for Daddy.” She didn’t care that we were outside, she unloaded her love juice on my hand. Her cold body made my wing wang hard like a rock. “Pants off.” I commanded. Excited she wiggled out of her jeans. My hand dripped with her clam sauce… I wanted to save it. “Now mine.” She didn’t need to be asked twice. We stood outside the clubhouse naked from the waist down. I was going to explore her chocolate furnace for the first time.

“Show Daddy your cornhole” My voice came out huskier than I expected. She bent over the table and displayed her brown starfish to me. It wasn’t even my birthday and she was letting have at it. Using her ladynnaise I wiped it across her and me. We were both lubed up and ready to go. It was time to do some interior decorating. I placed my pale banana at her dirt path. _Take it slow Tig_ , I had to remind myself over and over. I pushed my love meat into her. She squirmed underneath me. My wenis head popped past her ring-hole. I was in ecstasy. I took a moment, _breath Tiggy,_ I was determined not to spew my erectoplasm too soon. She huffed at my stillness, and plunged me into her rusty bullet hole. “Fuck, baby.” I collapsed onto her back. She was so tight, she strangled my ass blaster.

I was a regular ol’ colon cowboy, pushing into her at a god-like speed. My milk sack slapped against her and my lady dagger disappeared into her every time. It was a magical experience. I have explored a lot of Hershey highways but never one that tight. As I laid my pipe she started the two finger tango on her pearl. She moaned and groaned. I wanted her silent. I clamped my hand around her throat, her moans turned to gasps. _Perfect._ I continued hammering into her prison pocket. I was getting so close. Her walls clenched around my anal impaler. No sound came from her as she spilled her kitten water on the ground below. I couldn’t hold back any longer. My weapon of ass destruction began to twitch as it released my gentlemen’s relish inside her.


	3. Clay x Half-sack

Clay never truly enjoyed being in power. Not sexually. Gemma could only do so much for him in the bedroom department, she lacked the one thing he craved the most. Clay sat alone in the clubhouse with only Half-sack to keep him company. He watched as Half-sack bend over the pool table to take a shot. He was fixated on his sweet vanilla buns.

He sucked on his cigar like as if it was Half-sack’s meat pipe. Half-sack watched as Clay erotically licked at his cigar. In return he threw the pool cue down on the table. “Let’s get one thing straight ol’ man. If you want this king dong,” He said in front of Clay grabbing at his own cock, “I am the Daddy.”  
“Only if I can be your little girl.”  Clay said seductively standing from his chair. Half-sack nodded in agreement. “I’ll go change.” Clay said with a high pitch whine. He had been waiting for this moment his whole life. He may have just found himself a real man.

“Daddy?” Clay sung down the hallway beckoning Half-sack towards him. Half-sack eyed his little girl. His hair and makeup made Half-sack harder than he had ever been before. “My, my, don’t you look pretty for Daddy.” He’s fingers ran over the lace of Clay’s lingerie. Half-sack pushed Clay into the room kicking the door shut behind him.

Clay could not wait to have complete access to his kidney wiper. Half-sack let her strip him. Humming compliments as he gracefully moved around him. “Get on your knees” he growled Holding his love meat in one hand he guided his lips towards it. “Let me see how you gobble that cock.” Clay abided kitten licking at Half-sack’s man-axe. Half-sack couldn’t take it, the first set of licks made him explode all over Clay’s face.


	4. Piney

“Oh boy, oh boy.” Piney chanted again and again as the pretty lady rolled her hips into his lap. She danced so well. Piney had a list as long as his arm of what he wanted to do to her. “Stab me with your lance of love” she whispered seductively in his ear, unbuckling his grandpa jeans. Piney shifted in his chair. He breathed deeply, trying to gather as much oxygen as possible.  Her tiny hand gripped at his grandpa meat. Piney enjoyed the sight. “Get hard damn it.” He begged his one-eyed moisture missile.  She continued to pump at him with no luck. “You know they have pills for that.” She said as she climbed off of him and headed towards the other sons.


	5. Juice Ortiz in CREYFIC

It had been a hard day for Juice. Nothing was going right. He just wanted to know someone still loved him. His girlfriend was good at that. She made feel real good. His dragged his limbs towards his dorm bedroom. Small tears formed in the corner of his eyes. She was so beautiful. She sat on the bed awaiting his arrival, like a good girlfriend. “You are so amazing, Roro.” Juice sniffed at her. “I’m so lucky to have you.” Snot smeared on her upper lip as Juice kissed her. 

“Juju, I love you.” She spoke softly. Roro was used to Juice crying, especially during sex. She made him feel like such a man, he couldn’t help but get a little teary.

His bald-headed giggle stick constricted in his jeans. He needed to impale her snapper. “I. Need. To. See. You. Naked.” Juice cried at her. His shaky hands helped her out of her clothes. Juice dropped to his knees to worship her baby cannon as he removed her panties. “It’s perfect.” He blubbered into her lady v. Juice kissed around her sacred area, leaving a trail of snot as he went.

“Juju, my Twinkie needs creaming.” She gasped, enjoying the slimy feeling as he coated her thighs. He took a deep breath of her aromatic scent and pushed her back onto the bed. Juice struggled with his own clothes; he couldn’t quite get the buttons. “Help me?” He sobbed. Roro quickly abided.

Now bawling Juice prepared to enter her gravy boat. “I love you so much, Roro.” He shrieked through tears as he pushed his ding-a-ling into her. “Oh, Juju!” Juice loved the way she said his name. His heart exploded with love for her. In his eyes she was everything. Juice gently plunged into her clunge. _**Squeak, poof**. _ “Did you fart?” Juice asked. Roro hid her face and nodded, embarrassed. “Oh my God. Even your farts are perfect.” He snivelled, still rocking his girthy sausage in and out of her. His snot dangled, dripping onto her face.

Her cheese pot shook and quaked around his gash mallet. “Juju, I’m going to-“ she was cut off by her own orgasm. Juice wailed at the sight of her. “Look at you! So perfect!” He joined her, filling her with his creamy mayo. They panted together, regaining their breath.  Juice stayed still inside her, wiping the snot from both of their faces. Just as he thought he was done crying, he shed another tear, mourning the loss of his little soldiers.


End file.
